warning: multiple mood swings ahead.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
vulnerability.
all of us, at some point in our life, are vulnerable. we may be too happy, too sad, too scared, too bitter. we try our best to become stronger -- but maybe sometimes we try a bit too hard. Too hard, making us just as vulnerable if we didn't try.
...
people watching.
i've always enjoyed watching people and creating stories about their miserable lives. observing. judging. okay, okay, i'm judgemental -- but so what? don't you just enjoy making fun of other people? haha. okay, maybe that was too mean. but imagine this--
you're sitting in starbucks, trying to mind your own business when suddenly, a woman walks right past you. wearing heels, short denim shorts and an outrageous top that looked more like "ruffles na tinubuan ng damit".
isa siyang malaking RUFFLE.
isang maitim, mataba, maarteng RUFFLE.
nagpapapansin, pilit nagpapapansin at pamansin ng mga inosenteng tao na walang pakialam sa mga RUFFLE na katulad niya.
ang sama-sama ko. ayokong maging RUFFLE katulad niya. AYOKO. AYOKO!
...hangover lang yan.
ikaw, cool ka rin ba nung 90's?
P.S. ang iingay ng mga koreano. nakakapagpabagabag.
...
orange juice --
my current favorite drink.
juicy.
fun.
brightens up my day.
satisfies me.
quenches my thirst -- but not completely.
for some weird reason, after a while, it makes me thirsty again.
makes me want more.
will you be my orange juice?
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random thoughts @
10:13 PM
what if!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
i can't believe i'm answering a survey on my blog. i am so bored.
1. What if maging kayo ng bestfriend mo in the future?
- kung guy, OHMYGOD TREVOR MONSOD! haha! napag-usapan na namin yan, at mukhang malaking NO. =))
2. What if nanalo ka sa lotto sa States?
- shet, sana may pangclaim ako ng prize sa States. haha.
3. What if kinasal kayo ng highschool love mo in the future?
- oh.
4. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you?
- babay :)
5. What if nawala lahat ng talents mo bigla?
- magiging talent ko ang kawalan ng talent. haha!
6. What if nagbeach kayo ng family mo tapos nawalan kayo ng transpo pauwi?
- magtatatawag ako ng transpo. haha!
7. What if your bestfriend and your girlfriend/boyfriend had something going on pala?
- oh dear! haha!
8.What if may fairy pala sa totoo tapos nagpakita sayo?
- HELLO fairy god mother!
9. What if nawalan na ng bigas sa buong mundo?
- NOOOOOOOO. kakain akong saging.
10. What if nagka-snow bigla sa Pilipinas?
- yay gawa tayo snowman :)
11. What if pumatol nanay mo sa teacher mo?
- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK.
12. What if u ended up making out with someone?
- sino? hehe!
13. What if nangyari sa inyo yung sa freaky friday?
- ok lang. hahaha.
14. What if nagkasummer job ka? Ano gusto mo?
- yung cool. at maraming pera. haha.
15. What if naging kayo ng stuffed toy?
- ... ano ako baliw?
16. What if your grades dropped down?
- aral lang :)
17. What if your car got stolen tapos si PGMA pala nagnakaw?
- Hehe! hahanapin ko yung mga hello garci tape tsaka kung anu-anong issue niya tapos ilalantad ko sa buong world. whistleblower? haha!
18. What if humanap ng iba yung crush/mahal mo?
- basta ba makahanap siya ng better saken eh. haha.
19. What if magdate kayo bukas ng crush/mahal mo, saan?
- road trip! papuntang la union!
20. What if nagpahula ka tapos sabi ng manghuhula magiging successful ka daw kung may papatayin ka?
- heheheheheheheh!
21. What if you hugged your enemy tapos nastuck kayo magkadikit for a week?
- kukuha akong knife. sasaksakin ko siya.
22. What if you were to pick either Close friend or Soulmate with a sickness na makakasama sa habang buhay?
- close friend!
23. What if lumubog ang Pilipinas?
- oh no inconvenient truth.
24. What if you still live with your parents til you're forty?
- home for the aged.
25. What if may stranger na nagsabi sayong "hey sexy"?
- hello asshole. :)
26. What if you were to buy a car of your own tapos you have enough money?
- eh de bibili ako.
what if biglang...
hehe!
what if lang naman! hindi totoo!
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random thoughts @
9:40 PM
OMG!
OMG!
haha! labo.
i just finished watching the first eleven episodes of season 4 of grey's anatomy.
yay for me! despite all my friends' "you shouldn't watch that" and "it will just make you feel worse", i'm actually fine. because i just realized how much better my life is and that i don't have so much issues like them. they have screwed up emotional lives and it's funny.
I still think though, that Meredith Grey should grow up and not waste the opportunity with McDreamy. Haha!
oh God, now I enjoy in other people's misery. Schadenfreude!
prison break naman :))
by the way, have you been watching Spongebob? All new episodes. Cool. (What I get from watching TV during my spare time (which is practically most of my time)).
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random thoughts @
6:35 PM
twelve minutes
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
"If you have to try and convince yourself that you don't care about someone, you definitely care about them more than you think."
Wow. I really said that? Apparently, I was strong and wise last September 20, 2007.
Just goes to show that denial is not the way! Acceptance is key! Teehee.
Anyway.
PSYCHOLOGICAL FACT: ALL EMOTIONAL PAIN LASTS ONLY FOR TWELVE MINUTES. EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST SELF-INFLICTED.
Let's just accept that everything happens for a reason, and yes, maybe this is for the best.
On the positive side, at least now I'm free. Finally. Officially.
No more strings, no more hang-ups. Just pure, clean fun for me in the meantime.
No more prolonged suffering, waiting, worrying.
I'm free.
I may not be that happy yet, but I'm fine.
It hurts yes, but it can't be helped anymore.
"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through." -- Closing Cycles, Paulo Coelho
And I guess it really is over now.
Have to get up and move on now. My twelve minutes are over.
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random thoughts @
9:54 PM
OK LANG.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Hindi ko ayaw, pero hindi ko na rin gusto.
Para sa mga taong mahirap gumawa ng desisyon. (Kasama ako dun. Malamang.)
Ayaw o gusto?
OK LANG.
Ang pinakamalabong sagot sa buong sansinukuban.
Buti pa ang OO -- sigurado, buong-buo. Isang buong pagsang-ayon. Walang katapusang komitment. Dalawang titik "O". Dalawang malaking bilog.
Maigi pa ang HINDI -- matapang, may sinasabi... masakit. Minsan din nama'y nagdudulot ng maganda, pero napakahirap sabihin. Limang letrang walang pag-aalinlangan. Listo. Totoo.
Kahit ang EWAN at HINDI ko alam ay minsa'y mas maganda. May pag-amin ng kahinaan, ng pagkukulang, ng posibilidad ng pag-iisip at pag-asa ng napakaliit.
Pero ang OK LANG, walang kombiksyon. Walang kasiguraduhan. Walang kwenta. Ang tinatakbuhan ng walang masabi. Gamit na gamit, walang buhay, abusado, kulang. Hindi buo, walang alam, magulo, malabo.
Ikaw, OK ka LANG ba?
Ako, OK LANG.
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random thoughts @
11:45 AM
The Doppler Effect
As a fire truck zoomed past my workstation, its deafening siren filled my ears and shook my mind.
I was actually tired from a long day at an event yesterday and got home quite late because we had a family dinner. I was woken up early by my mom, so, as you can see, I still haven’t gotten my well-deserved rest I’ve been waiting for all week. It’s a weekend for goodness’ sakes.
Krrringgg.
Oops. Another telephone call. I really don’t get much idle time at work - well, I really shouldn’t be anyway so there. Poor me. Stuck in a clerical job I never really wanted. Okay, maybe I wanted it for a time - at first, to be more precise. Why? Because of the money. Not that it’s big or what, it’s just extra money anyway. A little money to help out at home. I didn’t know much about what I had to do then. The job was so far from what I do -- from me -- I never really imagined myself sitting here making receipts and counting money. Well, okay, I can imagine myself counting money... but not for others. Hours passed, days, weeks. And here I am bored as hell with my job. I realized that I really didn’t want it -- but what can I do? I already said yes. I already committed myself to it. You can’t just always back out and give up.
It is at these times, when the siren is closest to you, that you hear it completely, fully, with all its rigidity and loudness. It is when you know it for what it is and take it in wholly. But these moments are very brief -- much shorter than when you can hear the siren from afar: arriving, and then leaving once again. So you really have to decide -- fast. Are you listening?
I think I'm not anymore.
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random thoughts @
12:31 AM
grr.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
that's all.
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random thoughts @
10:59 PM
Oh WOW.
Monday, April 14, 2008
so small. so big. haha! labo. linear algebra is love.
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random thoughts @
9:19 PM
what to do
Monday, April 07, 2008
what do you do when you do everything in your capacity to help someone and get nothing much in return? no cooperation, no effort whatsoever. just self-pity and negative energy.
do you try to help that person more or do you give up on that person?
duh.
'di na tinatanong yun.
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random thoughts @
10:00 PM
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